Both/And: Building What Matters Without Abandoning Yourself
It started in one of our women-in-business cohorts. A conversation that turned into something deeper. We were circling around the same theme, though no one said it outright: how easily women forget to include themselves in the equation. We show up for everyone and everything, but when do we pause long enough to ask, What do I need for me?
I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately. Between leading two women-in-business groups at the Chamber and navigating my own chapters of work, writing, and life, I’ve realized this truth keeps repeating itself: every woman I meet begins by asking what she can do for her job, her company, her clients, and her family. Rarely does she start by asking what she needs for herself.
Now, I’m a strategist at heart. I’ve owned and sold businesses, written books, and helped others do the same. I believe in strategy. Thinking intentionally about your career, your business, your life. But experience has taught me: it’s more important to ask, 'What can I do for myself first?' Because when you build from that place, everything else falls into place.
The Shift: From Everything for Everyone to Something for You
It’s easy to get swept up in the doing. In being the best partner, leader, business owner, mother, friend, or sister, you name it. We’re natural nurturers, wired to pour into whatever we commit to. However, the one person we often tend to overlook is ourselves.
Most of us carry a deep passion to create, to learn, to share, and to give. Prioritizing yourself doesn’t mean abandoning those callings. It means protecting the energy and clarity that make them possible. It’s stewardship, not selfishness.
Designing the Life You Actually Want
We are both the designers and the creators of our lives. When we position ourselves first, we navigate the inevitable twists with steadiness. We recover faster. We make better decisions. We live on purpose instead of autopilot.
And seasons matter. Life at 25 doesn’t look like life at 55. Many women in midlife start thinking about retirement, but retiring doesn’t mean we’re done contributing. If we’ve been tending to our needs all along, we reach this season with momentum, not depletion. There’s still so much left to give.
This isn’t about trading profit for peace. It’s about integration. Building an ecosystem where business, relationships, and self-care coexist without competing. That ecosystem looks different for every woman. One friend journals daily. I journal in quick bursts when intuition speaks. Some thrive in the C-suite; others build creative studios or nonprofits. None of it requires guilt.
The Common Ground
Despite our differences, we share a few universal needs: to feel safe, seen, heard, loved, rested, and free to take up space. To give and receive. To have permission to slow down without losing momentum. Prioritizing yourself means meeting those needs first, so when life “life’s,” you can respond instead of react.
And when you do, you start investing differently. You stop chasing shiny distractions and start putting your time, energy, and resources where the return is real and into what genuinely matters to you.
No Lists. Just Permission.
I’m not here to hand you another checklist. I’m here to invite you to think purposefully about what you want and give yourself permission to start. Maybe you’re realizing this at 25. Maybe, like me, it clicked in your forties or your fifties. Either way, the moment you start listening, things shift.
You can build an excellent business, serve your community, love your people, and prioritize yourself truthfully and unapologetically. It’s not either/or. It’s both/and.
So, let me leave you with a question:
What would change if you started every week by asking, “What do I need for myself first?”
